Week 12 - Reconciliation

Reconciliation is one of the most misunderstood aspects of the divorce healing process. You’ll learn that reconciliation can happen even if your marriage is not restored and why it’s important to pursue reconciliation.

Week 12: Reconciliation

Reconciliation is a difficult concept to consider because you may be afraid of being hurt again by the same person. That’s a natural reaction after experiencing the pain of a separation or divorce.

If you feel like you don’t have the strength to pursue reconciliation on your own, consider asking God to help you with the process. As you’ll see in this week’s On My Own, God wants you to pursue reconciliation. It makes sense that He would help you as you try!

Day 1 — Why should I even think about reconciliation?

Even when you’ve been hurt deeply by other people, the Lord wants you to reconcile damaged relationships, including a failed marriage. In fact, He expects you to take the initiative in seeking reconciliation.

Read Matthew 18:15–17. These verses are directions from Jesus on the way to confront someone who has done something wrong to you. The goal of this process is restoration of the relationship.

Who is to take the initiative in this process?

What is the first step? (verse 15)

What comes next? (verse 16)

What is the third step? (verse 17)

Read Matthew 5:23–25. This passage begins by giving advice to a person who is giving a gift to the Lord. What should occur before the gift is given? (verse 24)

This verse suggests that your relationship and fellowship with God can be hindered if there is a problem in your relationship with another person.

Will God hold you accountable if you attempt to reconcile and the other person is unwilling?

Day 2 — What shape am I in?

It’s often easy to spot the sins of the other person during a divorce. If there is an affair or abuse involved, the responsibility for the failure of the marriage may be clear-cut. But it’s also true that fault-finding and establishing blame can hinder reconciliation. Both parties should accept responsibility for their mistakes and demonstrate mutual forgiveness.

Read Matthew 7:3–5. What should occur before you confront the faults of someone else? (verse 5)

Read Matthew 18:21–22. Reconciliation will probably require forgiveness by both people. How much forgiveness is appropriate?

In what ways have you accepted responsibility for your mistakes and demonstrated forgiveness?

Day 3 — Being receptive to reconciliation

There is a possibility your husband or wife may return to the “line of reconciliation.” If that happens, how should you respond?

Read Luke 15:11–24. This story, sometimes called the story of the “prodigal son,” describes the reconciliation of a father and his rebellious son. What was the father’s reaction when he saw his son returning home? (verse 20)

What was the attitude of the son? (verse 21)

The son had hoped to be taken in as a servant. What actually happened? (verses 22–24)

The son is often described as having a “repentant” heart. Can reconciliation work if there is no repentance for the wrongs done in a marriage?

Day 4 — Initiating reconciliation

It is important for you to remain open to efforts of reconciliation by the other person. You also need to be responsive to God if He leads you to initiate reconciliation.

Read Hosea 3:1–3. The entire book of Hosea is a picture of God’s love for the nation of Israel and His desire to reconcile with the people of Israel, despite the fact that they had been “unfaithful” to Him by worshiping other gods. God asked Hosea, a prophet, to give an example of this kind of love.

Who initiated the reconciliation between Hosea and his wife?

What lifestyle was his wife leading at the time?

Day 5 — The ultimate separation and reconciliation

The Bible says that you are separated from God because of your sins, but that Jesus Christ can reconcile that relationship.

Read Isaiah 59:2. What is your condition?

Read Romans 5:8–11. What shape are you in? ( verse 8 )

What did Christ do for you? ( verse 8 )

What is the effect? ( verse 9–11 )